![]() This silent treatment causes their partner excessive anxiety, fear and a persistent sense of self-doubt. The toxic partner abruptly withdraws from their victim, unwilling to respond for a period of time with little to no explanation whatsoever. In the devaluation phase of the relationship, the tables are turned and the victim is provoked into trying to “win over” the narcissist. In the beginning of the cycle, the narcissist may love-bomb their victim and idealize them, giving them excessive amounts of attention to win them over. In an abusive relationship with a narcissist, the silent treatment and stonewalling are manipulative tactics embedded within the abuse cycle. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well. After the victim has been stonewalled, the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. Usually, stonewalling and the silent treatment go hand in hand. Had he actually taken the time to address her concerns, however, the outcome could’ve been far more productive and peaceful. This causes more distress to Mary and unnecessary tension and trauma. In this scenario, Tom yet again stonewalls her, emotionally invalidates her and rudely redirects the conversation, unwilling to address the issues at hand even as they continue to build beneath the surface. When Mary tries to bring up the incident, he tells her, “You should speak to your therapist about this,” and hangs up on her without waiting for her response. He returns her call the next day and acts as if nothing has happened. Shortly after, he leaves the dinner table, exits the apartment without another word and refuses to answer her subsequent phone calls. The conversation hasn’t even had a chance to begin before it’s already over. When she tries to explain herself, he abruptly says, “I am done!” ![]() He gaslights her and tells her she’s overreacting. She attempts to bring it up to him during dinner, only to be met with his stony silence. He has been neglecting her and criticizing her constantly. Let’s say that Mary is concerned with the way that her partner, Tom, has been treating her recently. ![]() ![]() While some partners (especially male partners) tend to use stonewalling to avoid conflict, what happens is that it actually causes more emotional friction. Paul Schrodt (2013) discovered, this demand-withdraw pattern in relationships, in which one partner withdraws and the other partner becomes increasingly demanding in response, can cause anxiety, depression and further conflict within a relationship. Withdrawing from a partner like this can be extremely damaging to a relationship over time. In many cases, when one partner stonewalls another, the conversation is shut down before it even has a chance to begin. The person may choose to outright ignore your requests, respond with dismissive, invalidating replies or evade responding appropriately altogether by giving vague responses that refuse to answer your original questions. Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation or discussion and refuses to address your concerns. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Gottman, there are “four men of the apocalypse” or four communication styles in a relationship that can predict its inevitable demise. Has your partner, friend or family member ever ignored you when you tried to have an important discussion or addressed something significant to them? Have you ever been silenced by a toxic person’s silent treatment? You may have experienced what is known as “stonewalling.”Īccording to researcher Dr.
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